“But it found a way back”
For Part 1, go to Curiosity Killed The Cat
“This is turning into my personal science session”, she laughed.
“It is. It makes me curious, what makes you so interested in science and psychology?”
“As a kid, I was always intrigued by the world around me. I used to come up with the most random questions and theories. Per me, trees had a way to communicate with each other but we don’t know what that was. The universe was a kind of a cycle. There was a Universe within us, within each cell, and so on, and, then, there is the Universe that we’re a part of which, in turn, might be a part of something even bigger. You can say I had a very curious mind. I just always wanted to know why we do what we do, and why this world exists. I used to think that if I paid enough attention, I could hear what the animals or plants were telling me. It never worked but I thought that it might someday. I think that came from dad’s side of the family. My father is a student of physics, my grandfather was a known scientist. I might be carrying their genes.”
“That might be true. What about your mother’s side of the family?”
“I would say they are the more emotional side of my family. My mom’s dad was interested in science too but had a lot more emotions. My mom’s mom is more interested in human relationships. My mom is quite interesting. She has a variety of interests – she has quite a knowledge of different areas of life. Maybe she’s who I get my varied interests from.”
“It would seem so. So tell me, what did you think about when it came to God?”
“When I was a kid, I always felt a level of discomfort whenever we followed a specific religious ritual. I remember getting really uncomfortable at some places of worship. It came to a point when I stopped going to religious institutions altogether. It didn’t help that the crowd at such places made me feel overwhelmed.
I used to ask my parents the reasons behind all these rituals. If I didn’t get an answer that satisfied my curiosity, I would struggle to make myself do it. People said God is everywhere. So, I struggled to understand why we go to specific places to pray and, moreover, why we were fighting over God. I also never understood why we follow a specific ritual to pray. No matter how much my parents tried to make me understand it, I always found it uncomfortable. Got anxious, in fact. It didn’t help that I found some practices sexist. God in most religions was a male, which didn’t sit well with me. So, I came up with the theory that if God exists everywhere, then, I don’t need to go to a specific place. I also didn’t need to follow a specific ritual. All I had to do was focus on talking to them as if I was talking to another human being. It did the work for me. Over time, I started to see God as a friend. I didn’t even use a specific name. I just used the names of major Gods from all the big religions and say their names whenever I wanted to talk.
I guess you could say that I came up with my own practices.”
“What made you call out to all the Gods?”
“I couldn’t bring myself to believe that any of the religions were lying about their God. I didn’t have an explanation as to why I felt that way. I went to different places of worship and could feel a different type of peace everywhere. So, I went with my intuition.
There was this experience in my childhood. I must have been 6 or 7. I have struggled with nightmares since I was a kid. One night, I closed my eyes and imagined that there was this white light coming to my forehead from up in the sky. I remember that over time, I started to imagine a Goddess directing that light. Whenever I did that, I felt a little less scared.
I only got to know this year that Shamans follow a similar practice. They call it the White light of healing. Reiki practitioners call it Reiki. I might not have been imagining it after all.”
“So you’ve had these experiences since you were a kid?”, the Therapist noted
“Yes. This practitioner I met told me that my awakening had started a long time back.”
“What do you think about that?”
“I am not surprised. My first experience with marijuana some 7 years back made me have an out-of-the-body experience. I know my experiences enhanced since I came to this country. This will sound weird but I had various dreams where I saw a baby being born in my family in a span of 1 year. The first two times I had that dream, someone in my family got pregnant but had a miscarriage. The third time I saw the gender of the child. This time a baby of the same gender was born.”
“What do you think of this experience?”
“At that time, I was just fascinated. I told my ex and, later, a friend about this but we didn’t think much about it. My ex was more than fascinated and told me that he was scared to hide anything from me. We laughed about it. I believe that this again is somehow related to my genes or some way I subconsciously communicate with my thoughts.
E.g., when I had my Reiki attunement, my teacher, his teacher, and another teacher got this weird feeling that something ‘miraculous’ had happened. My teacher and I experienced something that we both could not explain but it was a wonderful feeling. The only difference was I could ‘see’ (my eyes were closed) what was happening and he was ‘feeling’ it. While others were not in the room, they got the same feeling even though they were in another part of the city.
I don’t know what this means yet and I haven’t thought much about it. At that time, I was so used to having “miraculous” experiences that it felt like just another day.”, she laughed.
“How does it feel when you have such experiences?”
“Before this year, they just intrigued me. Sometimes, when I vocalized it, I used to get scared but most of the time, it was just something fun to notice. Since, last year, I started to get scared because the experiences got more elaborate.”
“In what way?”
“I’ll give you an example. I am used to having lucid dreams since I was a kid. I didn’t know that there was a term for those dreams before I did a little bit of research. But, they never scared me because I didn’t ‘see’ anything out of the ordinary. I had multiple times played around in my dreams to change the narration.
Since, last year, however, I started seeing images in my lucid dreams that didn’t make sense to me and I started to feel scared.”
“When did this start?”
“The first time was when I was sleeping at a friend’s house. I still don’t remember why but I had decided to sleep on her couch. That dream was the first of many where I would see images that were not images that I am used to seeing. It scared me.”
“Do you remember what you were doing before going to sleep that night?”
“I don’t. It was nothing extraordinary as far as I remember. I think my friend had just moved to this house. It was a huge house and she had to stay there alone. I think I could sense or maybe she told me that she was unsure about sleeping alone. I am not sure, I honestly can’t remember. I just remember telling myself that I didn’t want her to be scared so I offered to sleep there. “
“Did it happen again?”
“Yes, in the same house. I remember we were sleeping in her room but I couldn’t sleep. So, I went downstairs and lay on the couch. I had a similar experience. After that, whenever I stayed back at her place, I always slept next to her. Those nights, I didn’t have any such dreams.
Unfortunately, from that experience, I derived that there was something wrong with her house – something supernatural (that’s how your brain works when you don’t think it through). Now, I know it wasn’t that.”
“When did these experiences get more pronounced?”
“After I moved here. Initially, I couldn’t sleep for weeks. I used to have these flashes of images as if I was browsing through a novel. Images with experiences that I didn’t remember having. So, I thought that my brain was trying to process a few emotions. They eventually subsided. I think it was a mix of certain events, my introduction to ‘gummies’, my emotional state and exhaustion that led to this experience.
Then, I got serious about my meditation practices and the rest is history.”
“What about your experiences with God?”
“Ummm, where do I start. My first pronounced encounter with a God led to me uncovering the events of my childhood. He helped me process what had happened and helped me ‘see’ how the experience had impacted me. The experience itself scared me but, now, when I think about it, it was the most helpful experience.”
“What scared you?”
“Not knowing what it meant. Not knowing who to ask. Before that day, I had already ‘seen’ a few other Gods during my meditations, even Gods I had never heard of. Per spiritual practitioners, they had come to ‘visit’ me and offer me their ‘support’. That knowledge seems to make the spiritual practitioners feel delighted. They told me that I was ‘special’. But, it just scared me to know that anyone could just show up anytime. I couldn’t understand why it just randomly started to happen to me. Their presence in my meditation made me feel more scared than anything.”
“What about their presence scared you?”
“What was I supposed to do with it? Was life as I knew it over for me? Was I hallucinating? What if someday they just showed up in the real world? Will I be termed a schizophrenic? Should I leave all this behind and go back home?
Okay, I can see now that I was getting lost in the ‘what ifs’.”
“It seems like you were. Tell me, did anything that extreme happen?”
“No. It was all limited to my meditations and dreams.”
“What does your science mind tell you?”, the Therapist smiled and asked.
“Whatever neural pathways of my brain changed resulted in my thoughts resonating at a frequency that was able to ‘receive’ some of these frequencies. Whatever DNA patterns got activated, resulted in me seeing the answer to my questions.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“Less scared. I was just ‘seeing’ something that might already be happening in my subconscious mind. It was just coming to light.”
“What about some of the other images that you saw?”
“Same. Some of the visions were more out of this world. They were the ones that scared me the most. During one of my Shamanic journeys, my teacher asked me to ask my guides to show up in a human form.
That gave me an idea. Before going to bed, I started to ask whoever wanted to ‘show up’ to appear in a human form. It worked. I was still scared but at least I was not panicking. As I started to get a better hold of this situation, I started to experiment. I started to ‘tell’ my brain to decipher everything that it saw in a dream or during meditation into a human form. There has only been one meditation in the past three months where I saw something that wasn’t in a human or in an animal form. So, it seems to be working.”
“What do you think about some of these forms showing up?”
“My theory tells me that when my thoughts radiate at a specific frequency, I ‘see’ the thoughts of that frequency. This might sound far-fetched but I think what we call God exist at as a bunch of thoughts at certain frequencies.
This might explain what we read about in books like Secret. Our thoughts radiate at a certain frequency and so we attract whatever it is that we think – good or bad. The electromagnetic spectrum that we know of ranges from 3 × 1026 Hz to 3 ×103 Hz. There is a huge spectrum that our technology cannot detect today. Per me, our thoughts resonate at a frequency that we are not able to detect today.
I am starting to believe that no one just shows up. It’s my thought that attracts the thoughts of that frequency. All I need to do is modify a thought, and, if there is something that I don’t want to ‘see’, it would go away. Per spiritual practitioners, this is called ‘not engaging’ with these forms. Per me, it is not engaging with that thought. Just like I can direct my thoughts at someone, they can do it too without realizing it. If it’s a harmful thought, it would impact me if I focus on that thought and change my frequency to that thought which, in turn, would impact my genes. Basically, I think we should be very careful of what we think about ourselves and about others. Whatever we think, will subconsciously make us resonate at that frequency and we’ll start attracting the thoughts of that frequency in our lives. Moreover, we will be harming the other person more than we realize. This is what I think it means to manifest. We create our own realities because we attract what we think. This might also explain why some of us can ‘feel’ if someone is lying to us.
This is also what challenged my perceptions about God. God doesn’t make things happen. They don’t bring crisis into our lives. We’re all together responsible for our reality. If we continue to think bad about others, all we’re doing is bringing pain to ourselves and to others which can show up in multiple forms.”
“That’s quite a logical take on these experiences. What do you think about the forms that you saw?”
“This question still scares me. But, this is what I think, we’re all resonating at a frequency. Just like we have a form, thoughts might have a form too. Just because we don’t see it in this 3D world, does not mean that they can’t have a form. Depending on the frequency, thoughts can take multiple forms. Since it’s nothing but a free form of energy, it might change shapes. Maybe since it’s energy, it can show up in various forms in our real lives. Some scary, some not so scary, some disastrous while some miraculous. But, these forms were scary only because I had never seen them before. If we were to see a dinosaur walking around the streets one day, we will obviously be scared. Some might think that it’s a dragon of sorts.”
“Does believing in that theory make you feel less scared?”
“A little bit. I was asked to shield myself from these forms and energies. I didn’t understand what it meant but started to do that anyway. I was not convinced though and I could see that I was still getting impacted.
If I were to believe in my own theory, shielding would mean creating another thought and using our body’s electromagnetic field to create a protective layer around us that does not allow any unwanted thought to pass through.
Yesterday, I got angry with someone and when I started to get thoughts about anger for them, I took a pause. I realized that I would be sending them an angry thought that could harm them. So, instead, I changed the thought and directed thought on compassion to them. I don’t know how it impacted them but I felt compassion in my own body.
I have experienced the same with thoughts of love and safety.”
“What do you think about others directing such thoughts at you?”
“It scared the hell out of me initially. If someone thinks bad about me, they could just do so and I will be impacted. Someone once told me that people can kill others with a single thought. No, they can’t. No one can harm you until you start to believe it. Here too I experimented a bit. Instead of getting lost in something negative that someone said to me, I focused my attention on what I thought about myself. I am not kidding, I saw changes in not just my emotional state but also in my real life and in that person’s attitude towards me.
From what I understand, other people’s thoughts can’t affect me unless I allow it to happen. So, I am trying to establish a practice wherein if I sense a negative thought or its energy, I try to ‘detach’ myself from it by focusing on what I would like the situation to turn out to be. It’s still a work in progress but I can see that it works.”
“How does it impact your perceptions about God?”
“They are a frequency of thoughts with a form. Maybe these thoughts created this world, maybe they are our ancestors, maybe they reside in some other part of the universe or maybe they’re something else.
I went to this forum once where people were reciting a chant. I could feel the vibrations of that chant in my brain and in my body. People there believed that those chants brought them closer to a God. I believe those chants modify our neural pathways to resonate at a specific frequency. I think it’s the same with crystals, some incense, etc. It’s all about frequencies. If something makes you feel good, use it.
“I think there is more that you want to share”.
“There is a lot. I had started to notice how my emotions got impacted by the cycle of the moon. I think all this is not limited to human beings, it’s related to everything around us. Planets, stars, water, earth, plants, animals, etc. We all have energies and we impact one another. There is where the butterfly effect plays a role.
Energy is neither created nor can it be destroyed. We all know this by now. I don’t think when we die, our thoughts die too. They remain at a certain frequency. When we start to work on ourselves and our genetic memory, we have the power to transmute the frequency of these thoughts and bring them to a resonance that benefits us and those around us. When we are born, this bundle of thoughts becomes a part of our genes along with other traits that are passed on from our parents. E.g., if I work on a thought pattern, I will start to change its frequency. Since my family members share the same genes, it should in some way affect them too, leading to what we call generational healing. This would also explain some experiences where people communicate with people who are no longer alive. That’s because we’re interacting with their thoughts. This makes it essential to understand to not play around with trying to interact with someone who is no longer here. You’ll be welcoming their frequency into your electromagnetic field which would impact you because you don’t know what their thoughts were like. So you will just be risking yourself and those around you for some fun or entertainment.
But it’s not just about our families. Let’s talk about someone we have shared past lives with. We have the same memory stored in our genes because we have shared experiences. If I work on my thoughts and ‘free’ the stuck energy, it will help them too because they share the same genes, and because the thoughts related to those genes are resonating at the same frequency. These are what I think are ‘energy bonds’. Who knows maybe there is a specific chemical formula to these thoughts that get stored in both our bodies? Whatever I decide to do or don’t decide to do with my genetic memory, impacts them too. Also, I am not sure if we physically share a past life with someone. As in, I didn’t share a past life with X. These thoughts were a part of someone who shared their life with the physical form of whoever had the thoughts of “X”. The person I am today is different from the person I was all those lives back because I am now a combination of what made me then and what makes me now. That would mean, our physical forms or genders or even the relationships that we shared don’t matter. It’s about our interactions with each other and how we feel for one another. I could be your mom in a lifetime and your boyfriend in another. This might explain why I felt so much love and safety with some people with whom I could recall having a past life and with whom I had some very deep connections in those lifetimes. This would also explain why I kept making the same mistakes that I made earlier because it’s all stored in my genes. Unless I work on myself to let go of what does not align with my true self, I will keep repeating the same patterns.
The more past lives you share with someone, the closer the frequency and maybe the sub-frequency at which you resonate. So it might be easier for these people to have a higher impact on each other irrespective of where they are in the world because all this happens at the subconscious level and does not depend on physical distance. That’s why, in my case, shielding does not work with some people. Maybe we subconsciously re-create certain situations in our lives to help each other heal and bring out those trapped emotions. It is a way to ‘redo’ our past mistakes and heal something. It all boils down to how we interact with these individuals now. If we choose to make the same decisions that we made in our previous lifetimes which would typically be the ‘easier decisions to make, we continue with the same pattern.
E.g., if you abandon me today and then abandon me again in another lifetime, you’re just repeating a pattern and causing us both to feel the same pain. It won’t matter if the next time I abandon you. Since this pain will just get added on to what we have both experienced in our previous lifetimes, it will hurt more. Just like a stone for a stone is not answer, abandonment for abandonment only causes more pain to both of us because we share the same genes but, unfortunately, every time we encounter each other the same patterns will get activated unless one or both of us decide to change it. That’s why the pain of abandonment is one of the worst pains there is. We cut out anyone who causes us pain when it might help to do the opposite and just change the way we interact. This is where ‘free choice’ plays a role.
Karma is nothing but what determines the makeup of our DNA. You release things that are causing you distruption, you release bad karma. You do more of what makes you happy and what you value without hurting someone else, you build karma. As a result, your DNA alters itself accordingly. It might not drastically change your physical appearance but it would definitely have a huge impact on your emotional and mental state as well as your overall well-being. There is no Hell or Heaven. It’s right here and now. What you do with your life determines where you are.
I recently had an experience with someone I dated. We were in a relationship for 3 months. Before we got into a relationship, I had a vision of us from what was not this life but I learned that he was my best friend and even a lover. There were multiple times when I wanted to end this relationship because we were not able to align on our spiritual beliefs but a thought kept stopping me – there is more, stay. So, I stayed. Until, one day, he convinced me to try and figure out the science behind my experiences. The next day, that thought changed to now it’s time to let go. So, I did. I couldn’t have had this discussion with you had that conversation not happened.
“That sounds interesting.”, the Therapist said, intrigued.
“That’s why it’s essential to be cautious about who and what we surround ourselves with and who we get intimate with. Listen to yourself. Your DNA has all the answers. That’s what it means to go within. You’re not going into another world, you’re just accessing your memories that you’re not aware of having. That’s what it means to awaken.
If we are in an environment where we are constantly in conflict, it impacts our well-being in more ways than one. If I get intimate with someone, I am allowing our frequencies to sync. I won’t just be transferring my patterns to them but will also be receiving their thought patterns and letting those impact my genes.”
“All these are interesting theories. You seem to have put some significant amount of ‘thought’ into God and how we interact with each other. Tell me, how does this change your interactions with God?”
“They are not supernatural. They’re a part of this nature, of our reality. I was struggling with the fact that they showed up every time I prayed. Now, when I believe in this theory, I am starting to believe that it’s nothing new. It must have been happening even when I was talking to them as a kid which would explain my experience with the white light and the Goddess. I just never ‘saw’ anything and if I did, I assumed it was nothing but my imagination. This also means that I am not the only one who can do this. Every single living being on this planet can.
If I am thinking about someone, I will be able to send a thought to them that their subconscious minds will capture. I think we’re just attuned to some people’s frequency and probably sub-frequency more than the others. I would like to believe that we share so many lives with them that our frequencies align more than the others.”
“How does believing that Gods are not supernatural make you feel?”
“Unsure. They’re as real to me as you are. They just don’t exist in physical forms or maybe they do somewhere. Maybe, I was right all along. I don’t have to go to a temple or follow a ritual, and maybe I was right to consider them a friend.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“It makes me feel less scared of these experiences. Even while saying this out loud, I can feel something release in my body.
When my experiences started, I was told that I was traveling to other dimensions as if it was a different world. I am starting to think that maybe that’s not what’s happening. Maybe, I was just tapping into frequencies that made me see what our naked eyes don’t see. If time is not linear, then, all our thoughts exist here and now. This would explain some of the ‘premonitions’ I have.
In one meditation, I had a thought that I am a Starseed and, in fact, saw a specific constellation. I didn’t know what it was until I looked it up. I sometimes see symbols in a language that don’t make sense to me. Spiritual practitioners told me that I am not just a Starseed but a lightworker. There are a bunch of articles online about various star seeds/lightworkers.
For me, all this simply means that we have access to a lot more information and thoughts than we realize. It does not mean we have to act on all this information or even decipher it. All it means is that nothing gets lost. Reiki developed as a practice when Mikao Usui saw some symbols. But, people had been using the same White Light for healing others for ages. Who is to know that he was tapping into these frequencies? Do the symbols have to be similar to Japanese just because he was Japanese? I saw the same white light and some other symbols. Maybe I was tapping into the same frequency.”
“What do you feel about your relationship with God now?”
“After verbalizing my thoughts, I think nothing has changed. I just don’t have to believe in something unreal. I know it’s there. It’s not supernatural. It just is. I can still consider them a friend.
That makes me feel a lot better. It’s less scary now. It also does not make me special or gifted. I like that. I can still go to a temple if I want to, I can still meditate, I can live my life the way I want to. All I need to do is be cautious of what I am thinking and how I choose to live my life and with whom. I don’t even have to do those journeys or go into a trance state. If I focus on a thought or ask a question or make a wish, it will show up in some form or the other.
Merging with our soul might just mean that we align our thoughts with a specific frequency while removing any trapped energy or memory from our genes. Whatever remains in our genes is our authentic self or what we call a soul. It’s each other’s genes and thoughts that we’re interacting with during these spiritual practices. We are basically getting rid of all the debris that we carry in our DNAs. We can call it souls or energy or whatever we prefer. Per me, they are all the same.”
“I am so happy to see how far you’ve come. I wish I could say that you’re right about these theories but I don’t know anything myself. But, I don’t see why you should stop believing in any of this if this is helping you.”
“Thank you. I know all this is just speculation and I am open to most of it getting modified as I progress and as our technology progresses. But, right now, it makes sense to me.
I can’t thank you enough for your help and for not doubting me. It means a lot to me to have someone listen to my thoughts without judgment.”
“Of course. If I can help you deal with your fear, I will do everything that I can. After all, I had the same experiences that you had.”